Saturday, September 11, 2010

Saboteur (Kids Part 4)

Saboteur  By Wolfgang Kaiser

Saboteur: (Noun) Someone who commits sabotage or deliberately causes wrecks.
Synonyms: Wrecker; Diversionist

“Cecil becomes a saboteur of Jeremy’s life.”

     People that suffer from schizophrenia experience the following:
·         Unusual or bizarre ideas or thoughts.
·         Odd behavior or speech.
·         Confusion; Believing televisions and dreams are reality.
·         Confused thinking.
·         Extreme moodiness.
·         Paranoia: Ideas that people are talking about them; out to get them.
·         Severe anxiety and fearfulness.
·         Difficulty keeping and relating to friends.
·         Decline in personal hygiene.
·         Increased isolation.

Just two days after having sex for my first time, I’m left alone. Alicia won’t talk to me, my parents hate having a crazy kid, and they don’t want me anymore. I’ve been accused of killing someone… I don’t understand, this shouldn’t have happened.
·         Increased isolation.
My feet hang off of this cliff; dwelling over what has happened is all I can do. The very thought of jumping is becoming more and more justified every moment.
Some moments I’m crying, some moments I’m angry at Cecil, some moments I’m happy that everyone else will be happy when I’m gone.
·         Extreme moodiness.
I’m never going to be alone; Cecil will always be here. I’m never going to be happy; Alicia no longer loves me. As I become drenched in thought, the need to end my life increases. What has happened and what is to come don’t matter anymore, I’ll just become a distant memory.
I close my eyes before I make the final decision, and I think about the events of the past week that have led me to this point.

     Cecil took over me, the night of the party. I had a few drinks, and I saw him. He walked up to me and said, “Hey, nice catch. She’s hot.” He proceeded to cover my eyes with his hands, and took control. He led Alicia upstairs to the guest room, originally Cecil’s room before he passed, and had sex with her.
     She asked me, no, she asked him, “Are you sure you want to do this? I thought we’d wait until we’re older…” to which he responded, “If you love me… You would do this with me.”
     I swear to you, it wasn’t me. I would never pressure the love of my life to give away the most sacred thing she could. It wasn’t fair to her, I could not believe those words escaped my mouth.
     I had an out-of-body experience at that moment, or so it felt; I was standing there, witnessing myself having sex with Alicia. At one point, Cecil turned MY head and looked at me standing there, and smiled. I should never have been with her; Cecil had loved her before he had passed.
     I took back control just before I had climaxed, and I could hear Cecil saying, “You’re welcome.”
·         Hallucinations; seeing things and hearing voices that aren’t real.
Of course the sex only lasted merely a minute, because it was my first time. Of course Alicia was dissatisfied, getting no pleasure back, but I’m sure that wasn’t the only reason she was discontent. We both sat at the edge of the bed, putting our clothes back on, not speaking one word.
We both walked down the stairs together. I figured it would be a Donnie Darko sort of thing; we would hold hands, smiling, going down the stairs in slow motion, “Under the Milky Way” by The Church playing in the background… But that’s not how it was at all. She sort of walked in front of me, not grabbing my hand or anything.
As we approached the front door, Alicia grabbed the bag of blankets. Unfortunately for her, she told her Mom that she was spending the night at my house, so she couldn’t go home at midnight, or it would look suspicious, meaning she had to sleep with me at the playground. I couldn’t go home either; I told my parents I was at her house.
We began to walk out of the house and Reggie ran up to us. “Guys, guys! Where are you going? The party isn’t over!” Just as Alicia was about to answer him, I punched him square in the nose.
·         Difficulty keeping and relating to friends.
I had to do it,; he’s tried to take Alicia multiple times when I was in Hell. Reggie was a user, and more importantly, he was competition. He started stepping back, holding his nose, and he tripped over the curb. He smashed the back of his head on the sidewalk. The music came to a stop, everyone was looking over, shocked.
“What the fuck, man?” Reggie says.
“What is wrong with you?!” Alicia says. I grabbed her arm and led her to the playground. She told me to let go of her, and I respected her wishes. I should’ve blamed the punch on Cecil, but I would have been lying. That punch was all me.
We got to the playground, not speaking a word. There were no lights on by the school, just the stars. Alicia and I got our blankets out, and lay down. I could barely see, but I saw Alicia look down at her arm where I grabbed. It was bruised.
Alicia was turned away from me, and I heard sniffling. I couldn’t put my arm around her, she would’ve told me to get off. It was the most awkward half hour of my entire life. Neither of us slept, and I couldn’t piece together the right words to say.
“Alicia… I lost control. I’m so sorry.”
“Bullshit, Jeremy. What are you trying to tell me, that Cecil took over?”
“Fuck you.”
“Please believe me. I didn’t take my meds today.”
“So, Cecil pressured me into sex, is that what you’re saying?”
Alicia threw her blanket off of her, onto me, and left. I didn’t get up to try and stop her, there was no point. I took her pillow and put it under my head. It smelled of Alicia’s hair; I’ll always miss that smell. It helped me think of better times, but I ended up crying myself to sleep.
When I woke up, I headed home. I put all the blankets in my bad and left the playground. Seeing as Reggie lived just a few doors down from me, I had to walk right by his house.
I looked straight as I passed his house. There was dry blood on the sidewalk from Reggie’s nose. In the corner of my eye, I saw toilet paper in the trees, red cups all over the lawn, and people sleeping all around the red cups. One of the girls was Alicia, holding a plastic cup in her hand.
I didn’t want Reggie to see me, but I quickly kneeled down to shake Alicia. She didn’t wake, so I picked her up and carried her home. Every step I took was careful, since I didn’t want to wake her. I got to her street and she moaned in her sleep. We got to her front porch, and I sat her down on the porch swing that we spent a lot of time on as kids.
I shook her once again. “Alicia, wake up.” Her eyes opened up and she grasped her surroundings, realizing that she was on her porch. Her eyes were squinted; the bright sun killed her head.
“…How did I get here?” She asked.
“I carried you, you were passed out on Reggie’s lawn.”
“Very nice of you. You can go home now.” She said.
I looked at her, and her eyes were wide. Her mouth was straight, and she was completely serious. I stood up, and I bent down to kiss her forehead.
“I said leave.”
I got off her porch immediately and headed home. I didn’t turn to look back, but I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my skull. The walk home made me cry too; Alicia should’ve been holding my hand.
I thought this was only temporary, but boy, was I wrong. I got home, and on my sidewalk in blood said, “You’re dead.” Accompanied with a smiley face at the end. I rubbed my eyes, and I looked again, it was gone.
·         Paranoia; Ideas that people are out to get them.
·         Hallucinations; Seeing things that aren’t real.
·         Severe anxiety and fearfulness.
I ran inside and sat on the couch, my Mom and Dad heard me come in. Cecil sat there on the couch opposite from my parents, staring into my blue eyes with his brown ones.
“Hey Jeremy, how’s Alicia?” My Mom asks.
“You guys go all the way?” My Dad jokes. My Mom punched my Dad’s shoulder.
“You’re hilarious, Dad.” I say back.
Cecil is smiling at me. “Well… I went all the way with her.” He was asking for trouble, but I didn’t say anything back. I looked down at my lap, Alicia should have had her head here. Cecil was ruining my life, and that was the very first moment I considered killing myself.
The phone rang, and my Dad went to answer it in the kitchen. My Mom sat down next to Cecil, Cecil continued to stare at me.
“Well hello, sir!” My Dad says.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel old. Hello, John!”
“Oh, are you sure we should do this?”
“Yes, John. We’ll start that today, actually. Talk to you in about a week!” My Dad began to walk up the stairs, and goes into my bathroom.”
“Dad… What are you doing?” I asked. He came downstairs with my pills in his hand and says, “John says we’re going to see how you do without your pills for a week.”
Cecil’s stare is still going; a smile emerges.
“Dad, I need those pills.”
“No, you’re fine.” I kept trying to convince him, but he wouldn’t budge. School was in six days, meaning I would go to school the first day without my medication.
I went up to my room, infuriated. Those pills are the only weapon I have in the war against Cecil, and It was being taken away from me. I lay in bed, and once again cried myself to sleep.
My dream, of course, was of the old man choking me, then seeing Cecil and screaming in his general direction. I woke up instantly, and I got out of bed. I was restless. I sat at the edge of my bed, running my hands through my hair, and my parents walked in. My Mom gave me a cup of tea.
“Honey… Alicia’s Mom called.” My heart stopped.
“She’s been crying in her room all morning. Do you know what’s going on?” My Mom asked.
Cecil laughs. “She’s crying because you came too soon.”
“I have no idea,” I said. “But I have a few things to do around town, I may stop by and check on her.” My Mom and Dad both nodded their heads in agreement. I got up and went down into the garage. I was going to jump on my bike, but it was much too small. I got on my Dad’s bike and it was too big, but when I jumped on my Mom’s bike, it was just right.
I biked about five miles across town, with Cecil popping out in random places. On a car, on top of a telephone pole, in a tree, in the middle of the road. I went down a nice trail, trees on both sides.
I was back in Hell.
I didn’t want to go inside, so I looked through the chain-link fence. There he was, the Old Man, sitting there in his wheelchair, looking at the scenery.
I yelled at him. “Excuse me, sir! Can I talk to you for a brief moment?” He looked over at me, and rolled towards me.
“Hello, do you remember me?” I asked.
“Of course. Hello, Jeremy.” He said. He remembered my name.
“There is something that has bothered me for quite a few years, and I need to talk to you. Do you remember attacking me back when I was here?”
“Yes. I still am very sorry for what happened.”
“Don’t sweat it. As you were being sedated, you were screaming at something. What was it?” I asked.
“It wasn’t something,” He told me. “It was someone. There was a kid pointing and laughing at me.”
“What did he look like?”
“He looked like the little shit behind you!” The old man said. I turned around and looked, Cecil was standing there smiling.
“You see him?” I asked.
“Is this some sort of game? Are you trying to play a trick on an old man?” He asked. He turned around in his wheelchair and began to leave. I didn’t stop him, I was too shocked. I turned around and faced Cecil.
“Cecil, are you a ghost?” I asked. He looked at me with a serious face.
“I think it’s time for you to go see my Mom.” He said, and disappeared.

     As I got home, I walked right past my Mom, and my Dad was at work. I walked into the kitchen, and found the phonebook. Her name was Cecilia Manning, and I had always wondered where they got the name Cecil.
     I wrote down her address, and went onto the computer to find directions, which was hard, I hadn’t really used the computer for quite some time. My Mom came into the room to look over on my shoulder, and said, “I know that street. Obviously you’re looking for the Hawthorne Apartments. Let me drive you there.”
     She got ready, and we headed out. When she asked who I was visiting, I told her no one important (so she wouldn’t want to come in), and that it wouldn’t be too long of a visit.
     “Mom… What happened to Cecilia?”
     “After you left, she felt so horrible. Of course the fact that her family died put her down, but as soon as you started seeing Cecil when he wasn’t there, it just made matters worse. I caught her trying to kill herself.”
     “Oh God, how?” I asked.
     “I came to visit her one night, our usual movie night, and she didn’t answer the door. I found that strange, because all the lights were on, and her car was there. Being the nosy person I am, I invited myself in. She was nowhere to be found downstairs, so I went up and heard water running.”
     My Mom stopped for a moment to pay more attention to the busy road. “I pushed open her bedroom door, calling her name. She didn’t answer I knocked on her bathroom door, and it opened. What I saw still disturbs me today.”
     “What did you see?”
     “Cecilia was underwater in her bathtub. The door stopped opening because it hit something on the floor, and a cord was running across the bathroom. On the floor, sat a toaster. The water began to flow over the edge, down onto the floor, and towards the toaster. I quickly yanked and unplugged the toaster plug, and threw it out to the bedroom. I got down and kneeled next to the bathtub. I turned off the water and yanked her naked body out of the tub. She smacked on the floor and immediately coughed out water. She hadn’t drowned, she was going to face the electricity.”
     We stopped the car in front of the apartment, and she continued her story. “I was drenched in water, and although she was too, I could see the tears. I didn’t leave her side for three days, and I made her see a therapist.” I turned around and looked at the backseat of the car, and there sat Cecil, crying. I felt myself tearing up as well.
·         Extreme moodiness.
I got out of the car without saying a single word. Cecilia’s apartment was H302, on the third floor. I ran up all the stairs, and knocked on the door twice, and Cecil knocked two more times after me. He was taking more and more control.
     She opened the door, and I was shocked. The hot Mom I once knew had changed entirely. She was as pale as a vampire, as skinny as a twig. She was hard to look at.
     “…Jeremy… Is that you?” She asked. She was leaning from side to side, her eyes pink and half-closed. Her once brown hair was gray and all messed up. I wanted to cry when I saw the track marks on her arms.
     She was definitely high.
     “Hello, Ms. Manning.” Of course she came up to hug me, and Cecil joined in for a group hug. She invited me inside, and I came right in. The place was a mess; it looked as if she hadn’t cleaned it in quite some time. She walked extremely fast, straight to her couch.
     “Please, sit down!” She insisted. I sat down next to her, while she attempted to hide a razorblade and a rolled up dollar bill from me.
     Cocaine, I was certain.
     “I don’t have much time, but I need to ask you of something.” I said.
     “Yes?” She was shaking.
     “Do you believe in ghosts?” Cecil and I said in unison. He had even more tears in his eyes than before. I wasn’t crying though.
     “What, are you going to tell me that Cecil was a ghost the whole time you saw him?” She asked. Cecil stared at her. “Tell her I love her, Jeremy.”
     “Cecil wants you to know that he loves you.”
     “Shut up, Jeremy.” She said. Cecil leans over my shoulder, whispering things into my ears.
     “His favorite food as a kid was Macaroni and Cheese. His favorite thing to do when he was alive was to play tag with Alicia and I. The thing he misses the most was when you used to read him nursery rhymes up until the fifth grade. Cecil also says just a few days ago, he drew a heart on the steamy mirror in your bathroom.”
     She started crying and immediately told me to leave. I got up and walked to the door. Cecil walked to his Mom, who was holding the door, and hugged her. Her eyes remained focused on me. He pulled back to look at her and said, “Mom, if you leave me behind now, who else am I to turn to?” She screamed, “OUT!” meaning I must have said it, not Cecil.
     I stepped out and she slammed the door. I didn’t move for a little bit, contemplating what had just happened. I heard footsteps to the door. Cecilia opened the door and threw a book all the way down the stairs. She looked at me, with tears in her eyes, and went inside.
     I walked down the stairs, and as soon as I reached the bottom step with Cecil, I heard a loud, banging noise. It sounded like a gun.
     The book, which was on the ground, had its front side down, facing the concrete. I bent down to pick it up, and I wanted to break down; right there in public. This book meant more to me than anything else in the world.
     The Big Book of Paper Airplanes.
     I had to apologize to Cecilia.
     I ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. Once I got to the top, Cecil was already there, banging on the door. I quickly reached for the doorknob, and ran inside.
     Cecilia was laying in the living room, dead. She had a pistol in her hand; she had shot herself in the head. Cecil pushed me out of the way.
     “MOM!” He screamed. He ran to her body, a red stain outlined the back of her head on the carpet. He shook her violently, and outside, I could hear doors opening.
     “Cecil, we have to go.”
     “WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, JEREMY.” He screamed at me. He was crying uncontrollably. He continued to shake her, whispering to himself things that I could not begin to hear.
     From behind me, I could feel someone’s presence. A shadow invaded the floor of the apartment. I turned around, and a man was staring at me. He had his mouth wide open, he dropped his drink, and he was shocked.
     The first move I did, I tried to run past him. The man spread his arms and legs in the doorway so I could not leave. “CALL THE POLICE!” He screamed. I ran back into the living room, and grabbed the razorblade that was on Cecilia’s glass table. I ran back to the man, and held the razorblade at his face. “Hold me here, and I will cut you.”
     He backed up, keeping his hands up, and I ran. Holding onto the book that would keep me sane and keep Cecil away, I jumped down each set of stairs.
     I jumped into the car, and my Mom asked me what I was holding. She obviously did not hear the shot, listening to music in the car. I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it. She turned the radio back up, and we headed home. I sat there, and when we got home, I prepared myself to visit the cemetery which Cecil was buried.

The sun almost set when I knocked on the door.
I knocked twice.
Cecil knocked twice.
The porch wasn’t lighted, but I heard steps down the stairs to the door. The porch light came on, the door popped open, and out came the person I was expecting to see.
“Hello, Jeremy.” She said.
“Hello, Ms. Beatrice.” I said back.
“How may I help you?” She was obviously angry.
“I came to see your daughter, if that is alright with you.” I said back.
“I don’t know what you did to her, but I am not happy with you.” She stepped to the side and allowed me in. I looked at her, and then I headed up the stairs, I had left my shovel and backpack outside so Alicia’s Mom wouldn’t question me.
I got to Alicia’s door, which was covered with drawings and pictures of us, some of them including Cecil. There was even a picture of Cecil and I in dresses, and I wanted to tear it in half. Cecil looked at me, and I ripped the picture off the door.
I knocked twice.
Cecil knocked twice.
“Come in, Mom.” I heard Alicia say on the other side of the door. She wasn’t expecting me at all.
I opened the door, and when she saw me, she looked down at her lap, refusing to make eye contact with me. “May I help you?” She asked. Cecil remained standing as I walked over and sat at the edge of her bed.
“I remember this day like it was yesterday,” I said, looking at the picture. “You threw blindfolds on us and I dressed us up like girls. Right before Cecil and I noticed it, you took pictures with your disposable camera and ran out of the house. I remember how long we chased after-”
“Rip it to shreds, Jeremy.” Cecil said.
“What do you want, Jeremy?” Alicia asked.
“Just… Hear me out, okay?” I demanded. Alicia stared at me, waiting for me to speak, without blinking once.
Just then, I heard their home phone ring, from downstairs.
“You know that I’m madly in love with you, Alicia. I would never, ever hurt you, even if it were to save my own life. When we had sex, I lost control. I hardly remember any of it. I came here to tell you that I think I have a way to get Cecil away from us and out of my head.”
“How?” She asked.
“He’s a ghost. I’m going to put his spirit to rest tonight.” I heard footsteps coming up, and I ran to lock the door.
KNOCK, KNOCK. “Jeremy, you need to come out,” Alicia’s Mom says. “The police are coming to arrest you as we speak.”
“What? Why?” Alicia asked, looking at me.
“Ms. Manning. Jeremy killed Ms. Manning.” Alicia stared at me with shock.
“No, I didn’t!” I screamed, panicking. Of course Alicia wouldn’t believe me now, I mean, I told her that my schizophrenic partner had taken her virginity.
“Multiple people heard a gunshot from throughout the building. As people came to her apartment to check out what had happened, someone was down, next to her body. He screamed, “WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, JEREMY.” meaning that he was involved in the killing.” Alicia’s Mom said. This was not looking good for me, there was no way I could possibly explain it by the time the police showed up. There was no way that I could explain myself to the police. I looked to Alicia, giving her one last chance to be with me.
“Alicia, I didn’t do any of that. You need to come with me. We can be happy together, we can leave our lives, just come with me tonight to put Cecil to rest, and I promise you, we will be happy.”
She looked at me for a long moment, and either I was facing
·         Paranoia: Ideas that people are talking about them; out to get them.
or I was hearing police sirens. I looked at her once again, and she looked in my eyes with an extremely worried face.
“No.” Alicia said. “I don’t believe you. I will not tell the police where you are, but I want no sort of future with you.”
I looked at her, I leaned in to kiss her forehead one last time, opened her window, and jumped out.
I landed in the driveway, and grabbed my bike, my backpack, and my shovel. Down the long road, I could see police cars coming both ways. I drove straight in front of me, going right at the cemetery. I biked as fast as I possibly could to a nearby street, went into a random stranger’s lawn, and hid behind a bush. The police sped by, having no idea where I was.
I stayed behind this bush for a good half hour until the sun was completely down. Cecil sat with me, continuing to ask me, “What are we going to do, what are we going to do?” If my more powerful and smarter alter-ego/ghost friend didn’t know what to do, then how the hell was I supposed to know?
I biked straight at the cemetery, and found a hole in the fence that I used to crawl into before I went into Hell. I sat there during most nights, whenever I missed Cecil. In fact, Alicia had come with me quite a few times.
I walked for just a few seconds, because his headstone was among the edge of the cemetery.
     I sat there; my legs crossed, and looked at his headstone. I looked around me, and Cecil was nowhere to be found.
     “Cecil,” I said, not crying or showing any sort of emotion. “I love you, my friend, but this has gone on for far too long. I don’t mean to put blame on you, but I am wanted for murder. I have ruined all chances with the love of my life, and there is no longer a point to living anymore. By doing what I am about to do, I am hoping that I can finally put your spirit to rest, and hopefully, that may just solve a few of my problems.”
     To add to the drama that I was facing, a thunderstorm erupted, and it began to rain heavily. I grabbed my shovel, and hid my backpack under the tree so the contents would not get wet.
     With the shovel, I began to dig Cecil’s grave. The deeper I dug, the harder the rain fell. The dirt became extremely muddy, and it became harder and harder to dig. After nearly twenty minutes of digging, I struck his grave. I wiped mud away, and opened the coffin.
     I wanted to throw up, seeing the skeleton of my best friend. It smelled awful. I ran back up from the grave, ran into my backpack, grabbed the Paper Airplane book, and ran back to the grave. I kneeled down beside his coffin, and said, “Cecil, I love you, but you have to leave me alone.” I put the book inside, closed it, and ran out. I got my muddy shovel once again, and put as much dirt back into the grave as I could, and left.
·         Confused thinking.
·         Unusual or bizarre ideas or thoughts.
·         Odd behavior or speech.
I grabbed my backpack and left the cemetery by going back under the fence, grabbed my bike, and headed towards the school that I used to attend. I rode around to the back, to the old playground that I had just slept at last night. I went under all the playground equipment, grabbed a blanket from my backpack, and put it on top of me.
Before I slept, I also grabbed a flashlight out of my bag, and began to write Alicia a letter. It wasn’t too long, it was short and sweet. I put it in my bag, and went to sleep.

I woke up just as the sun was rising. I packed my bad, and stared out to the mountains. It was a perfect temperature, and the view was beautiful. The last time I had stared into the sunrise was when I was sleeping in Alicia’s house.
As the sun began to completely rise, I packed my stuff. I was drenched in water from the wet woodchips, and I had mud all over my pants. I had not showered a couple of days before I had left my house as well.
·         Decline in personal hygiene.
From my backpack, I left my blanket, my muddy clothes, and my flashlight behind, so it wasn’t as much of a load. I kept food and water, to keep myself going. I needed to get away from my town, and find a job somewhere else. I’m not quite sure what I was planning, probably something about getting a new name, finding a job, and moving from there.
I had no particular direction as to where I wanted to go. I looked at the mountains, pointed, and thought to myself, “That way.” I grabbed my bike, and started going.
For about an hour of me biking towards the mountains, I felt… Free. Cecil was gone. My parents, gone. My worries, gone. I biked, and kept my water bottle in my hand, taking drinks from time to time. As soon as I reached the first hill to begin going up the mountain, I dropped my bike.
But that wasn’t the only reason I dropped my bike.
There he fucking was, standing there, smiling.
“Goddammit, Cecil.” I said. I walked right past him.
“Jeremy, please. Hear me out. You did kill part of me.” He said.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“There was two of me, Jeremy. There was a happy side of me, and an angry side of me. My spirit was unhappy, probably because you were not able to save my father in the crash. My spirit was the angry side. The Cecil living inside of your brain means no harm whatsoever. You needn’t worry about anything. From here on out, I won’t demand you do things. I won’t take over you. I won’t fuck your girlfriend.”
All of this was too hard to grasp. Cecil was still the little kid inside of my head. I didn’t trust him, and I continued walking. I walked all the way until it began to be dark. Cecil always caught up with me (if he wasn’t already ahead), and he constantly reminded me of the memories we had once shared when he was living.
“Remember when we played in the mud?”
“Remember when we made paper airplanes?”
“Remember when Alicia’s Dad died?”
“Remember when we were dressed as girls for entertainment?”
Multiple cars passed as we sat on the side of the road and watched the sunset. The road we were on had dense forests on both sides. On my right side, across the street, I saw a trail, with a bit of sun at the end, meaning there was a clearing. Maybe it wasn’t as dense as I assumed.
There, under a rock, I left Alicia’s note, which would be waiting for her when they find my body. I walked through the trail, Cecil walking behind me.
“You don’t have to do this, Jeremy. We’ll find a way out of this whole situation. I’ll disappear completely, if that is what you would like.” Cecil said.
We got to the clearing, and there was a huge drop.
My feet hang off of this cliff; dwelling over what has happened is all I can do. The very thought of jumping is becoming more and more justified every moment.
Some moments I’m crying, some moments I’m angry at Cecil, some moments I’m happy that everyone else will be happy when I’m gone.
·         Extreme moodiness.
I’m never going to be alone; Cecil will always be here. I’m never going to be happy; Alicia no longer loves me. As I become drenched in thought, the need to end my life increases. What has happened and what is to come don’t matter anymore, I’ll just become a distant memory.
I close my eyes before I make the final decision, and I think about the events of the past week that have led me to this point.
I look at Cecil, Cecil looks at me.
“Don’t jump, Jeremy. Please don’t.”
I turn around to look into the forest, to see if maybe, just maybe, someone else would stop me. I wish Alicia would jump out of the forest and stop me, or at least jump with me. Or maybe, just maybe, my Mom would come and save the day, just like she did with Cecilia.
No luck.
I put one foot over the edge, and leaned forward.
I fell, and I felt relieved. It would all be over soon.
I turned around in midair, looking back up at the cliff. There Cecil stood, with Alicia, my parents, Cecil’s parents, and everyone else that was close to me. I wiped my eyes, and looked again.
They were gone.

“Hey, you have reached us, sorry we couldn’t get to the phone, please leave us a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible.”
“Hello, it’s John again. I just wanted to tell you, Jeremy is having a really big fit. His girlfriend (as you may call it) visited just yesterday. He came in today, crying, telling me all about this dream he had of him coming out of this mental institution, and trying to live life happily with Alicia. I am not happy to tell you this, but I believe that we need to keep Jeremy here a bit longer. He is not ready to face the real world again just yet.”
·         Confusion; Believing televisions and dreams are reality.


Reign said...

daily luff

Anonymous said...

What a twist!

Reign said...

daily luff

Roxxi said...

~Side Note~
I'm from Colorado :P